BI just sent you a text, but I know you’re already asleep. It said:

“I love you so much… if I don’t dream about you tonight I’ll probably die of missing you.”

RAfter making sufficiently sure that I wasn’t going to get to sleep yet tonight, I decided I would turn on my computer for the first time in days and tell you exactly what I mean. I want to tell you everything I feel.

CFirst, I want to tell you all of the things I want to do for you, because I would do anything. I tell you I want to give you body rubs and kisses, but those are the selfish things I want to do for you. I want to rub you because I love the way you feel, and touching every part of you makes me feel close to you. I want to kiss you because it makes my heart swell up like a balloon in my chest. That’s probably why it’s hard for me to stop kissing you. Have you noticed how I can barely pull away after we kiss? Well, that’s just because there’s a balloon inside of me ready to burst out of me and spew lovey balloon-guts all over you.

LAh… I hope you enjoyed that, because I considered deleting it. It’s just too Mikaelaish to go from my most serious feelings to a silly metaphor that I take too far and is kind of gross if you think about it literally. Plus I like to use the word spew when I can.

DRemember how I was telling you about the things I want for you? (That was before the balloon-guts.) I want you to be happy, Tommy. I want you to never be sad for more than is absolutely necessary. I’ll tell you a secret now; I would still want you to be happy even if that meant you weren’t with me. I keep that a secret because I’m selfishly and whole-heartedly trying to convince you that I can make you happy. I know I can because I want to give everything that is mine to you. I want to cook for you, and surprise you with helpful little wifey things, like laying out your work clothes for you. Sure, I would have to learn to wake up before you to do that, but I would for you. I want to make you macaroni and cheese when you’ve had a bad day, or soup and Dayquil when you’re sick. I can be silly sometimes but I could take care of you. It’s frustrating for me now, because I want to, but I’m always here while you’re there. Right now I can’t help that you still have to work too hard when you’re sick, but later I’ll be able to make everything as good as it can be despite everything. From sniffles to the stomach flu to every nightmare, I want to be there.

UI think that’s love. Of all the things that let me­­­ know that I love you, that one stands out a little. I’m trying to be selfless for you, subconsciously, but it’s there. I don’t always do as well as selfless but I know I’m close because I don’t need anything but love in return.

QTommy, I know I see you differently than anyone else does. I can see your personality and your heart on your skin, your sincerity and your kindness like soft tattoos on your face. Your whole person makes you so beautiful. I love to stare into your gorgeous eyes, study your luscious lips, and touch your perfect cheeks and nose. I love your ears. Did you know that? And I love your nose. I don’t go on about them as much as your green-ringed eyes and your full kissable lips but you wouldn’t be so perfect without them. When we go out and I try to beautify myself for you, it isn’t because I think you don’t see me as beautiful already. I can just imagine everyone who sees us wondering ‘Why is Tom with her?’ and I think that if I look nice they won’t be as surprised as I am to believe that Tom sees her as the most beautiful creature on the planet.

NI am so entirely attracted to you, baby. I can’t drag myself away from you whenever I see you flex a muscle or wear a tight shirt. I suppose it makes me clingy, but I don’t suppose it’s my fault, because you’re just magnetic. It’s not only my heart calling out, reaching out for you. My entire body longs to be as close to you as possible. My arms long to be wrapped around you, my legs long to rub against yours, my breasts ache to press against your skin, and of course, my lips yearn for just a touch of yours.

SI want everything to feel the way it did. The future feels a lot farther away, but I can still see it so clearly. No timetables, no places, no details, just you. Together, somewhere, any-when, always, unconditionally forever.

BREAKING DAWN TONIGHT

I may have a new phone before the day is out. Neat! Right? Yep, it's been a hard what, eighteen hours without a phone. I never blogged about thursday night/friday! I feel obliged to even though the only person who reads this was with me the entire time! I'll make it short.

1. Starbucks
2. Welch's Sparkling Grape Juice
3. Popcorn in line
4. Pretzel's during slideshow
5. edge of seat during show
6. Edward ref. after show
7. talk to girl don't like and boy don't know
8. Dropped off for sleepover
9. Pictures
10. Myspace
11. Facebook
12. Buffy
13. Joker make-up
14. Mom get's up, we have coffee
15. more pictures/Myspace
16. Penelope
17. Bunnies
18. Lunch (Yummy!)
19. Lauri had to leave

Kay. Then after that I Myspaced a little bit before taking a three hour nap after which Mother really really wanted me to go on a walk with her. (Who knew the show at the Pinewood Bowl was last night and didn't take me??) So anyway, we walked by the ducky ponds by South Point, I decided I'm going to adopt the one with the peg leg. Mom baby-talked some strangers' dogs, and then we hung out in Barnes & Noble for a few hours. I had a White Mocha Blended with Whipped. And it was fantastic. We didn't buy anything else though. Oh well. Then we came home and I talked her ear off until she just HAD to go to bed so I bugged my dad for a while then fixed my slutty blue dress (Haha! Master Seamstress!) Called Tom on the home phone. Read a chapter or two of Pride and Prejudice and went to bed until one thirty/two ate a dinner roll and got on xanga haha.

Dunno what's going on today, Guess we'll see when I get ahold of a phone